Mogwai_toejam (akktri) wrote in christianthinkg,

OCD/Manic depressive moral dilemmas and yiff art

I've been thinking a lot about the issue of lust as it relates to my art and stories. The bible says it's a sin to look at a woman lustfully, which is committing adultery in your heart with them.
I admit I have actually made "yiff art"/hentai, which I haven't shown anyone but myself. I figured it would be okay because I didn't actually use any references, I just imagined them without looking at anyone real.
However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the characters wouldn't look like women (instead of stick figures) unless I actually remembered real people, and so at least unconsciously still commit adultery with them in my heart.
Dilemma 1. I've spent weeks working on this stuff. My usual obsessive compulsive course of action is to put everything in a paper shredder. Basically I'd just put two or three weeks worth of work in the garbage and try not to think about it again. This is probably why I never got famous. I did the same thing for at least two entire novels because I considered them "idolatry". I still don't know if throwing them out is the right idea due to the time spent on them.
Dilemma 2. As I put these drawings in an out of the way place, I realized my science fiction novel involves a romance with a character who is partially based on a girl I knew from highschool (not completely, just the character's appearance, actually. This girl is now about 30 and married). The novel is about 100,000 words. It's that novel I've got posted online on my website. It's a Christian story, full of religious discussions, but the story ends with a marriage proposal, and I'm working on a sequel involving marriage and kids. I feel God is leading me to destroy this novel like I did with those novels I mentioned above (two novels that contain no sex whatsoever, I just considered them "idols"). I don't want to give up on writing the sequel, but I feel like God wants me to. And then I won't really have anything interesting to do. I like my imaginary character better than the girl I knew, and try to focus on the fact this character is a space alien, but I still feel guilty.
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